Today NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced all of Novembers games would be wiped out, here’s why:
10: The regular referees are all working elsewhere now and the only ones available are the ones the NFL had filling in,
9: Games aren’t going to be resumed until the last Rick Nash jersey in Columbus is sold.
8: This isn’t really a lockout, Shanahan put the season on the shelf for a phantom clipping call.
7: With Tuukka Rask injured (again) Jeremy Jacobs won’t allow the season to progress until he has another goalie.
6: Francesco Aquilini finally looked at Roberto Luongo’s contract and said not another game will be played until the dude is gone.
5: Holiday shopping will be a lot easier for Bettman and league ownership if they don’t have to show up for one game a month and be booed.
4: Novembers games were cancelled in retaliation for #ThePlayers offer to appoint Sean Avery their official full time liaison to Mr Bettman.
3: The real reason games were cancelled is NHL broadcasters still can’t tell Jordan and Eric Staal apart and are hoping one goes to pot before the season starts.
2: The owners are waiting for the roofies to kick in on the players.
1: Gary Bettman is still trying to figure out how to explain to his daughter why an industry that has experienced record growth over the last several years in a recession, has a new lucrative tv deal, has had several teams settle their ownership and arena issues, signed overseas content distribution deals, and is drafting players from places professional hockey didn’t exist twenty years ago can justify a lockout even to itself.