Top 10 Reasons Owners Haven’t Signed A New CBA

29thAug. × ’12

10: Watching Gary Bettman attempt to look reasonable is their favorite past time.

9: 29 owners are still laughing over Dennis Wideman’s contract.

8: Gordie Howe has yet to threaten to beat the damn wipppersnapper owners on behalf of the players.

7: One third are busy throwing up after seeing Justin Beiber in Boston Bruins gear, the rest are still asking who Justin Beiber is.

6: The longer they take to handle the CBA the less questions anyone will have to answer about the 2014 Olympics in Sochi.

5: They just can’t wait to see what Proteau, Garroach, and Cox will write next, some of it might not be fit for a bird cage.

4: Without having taken their meds some of them don’t realize it isn’t 2004 any more.

3:  Charles Wang is waiting for the bean counters to decide if it makes more financial sense to have a quarter full arena all season or save money by not buying a years supply of rat poison.

2: The delay is all part of a marketing scheme to keep attention focused on the NHL all off season as a ploy to boost early attendance and ratings in struggling markets.

1: The owners are still looking for a way to have the All Star weekend and playoffs without having the regular season so they don’t have to pay the players at all.

0: Jeremy Jacobs and Mike Illitch have yet to twirl their pinkie rings, glare at the other owners and tell them to sigh or ‘say hello to my little friend”.

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