This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.

If I Told You In September…


  • only twelve teams would have a positive goals differential on December 22nd
  • the Toronto Maple Leafs would be among the 12 and the Washington Capitals would be among the 18
  • six teams would change coaches before the new year
  • only the St Louis Blues among the teams with a change would be improved by it
  • the 3rd place Boston Bruins and 29th place Anahiem Ducks would have a powerplay of identical efficiency at 18.5%
  • the 30th place Columbus Blue Jackets would have scored more goals than the Anahiem Ducks, Los Angeles Kings or New York Islanders
  • of the six division leaders on December 22nd (Boston, Florida, Chicago, Philadelphia, Minnesota, San Jose) none would possess a top 6 powerplay.
  • Calgary and Anahiem would be the only teams without a shorthanded goal
  • the Phoenix Coyotes who lost Ilya “Humongous Big” Bryzgalov to free agency would have a better GAA than the Philadelphia Flyers (2.56 vs 2.59 through 34 games each)


  • of all the players with 15 or more games played and on a point per game pace, the highest plus minus would belong to Marian Hossa +21
  • Jordan Eberle and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins would be on an identical 1.03ppg pace
  • James Neal, Scott Hartnell, and Johan Franzen would be among the top five in powerplay goals scored when all three finished outside the top 20 last season
  • Benoit Pouliot would have more game winning goals than; Phil Kessel, Jeff Skinner, Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, or Daniel Sedin
  • Erik Karlsson would lead all defensemen in scoring, and be 1st about defensemen and tied for 11th overall in takeaways
  • in 31 games each Dan Girardi of the New York Rangers and Mark Stuart of the Winnipeg Jets would be the only players over 80 hits and 80 blocked shots
  • two of the top five players in short handed time on ice, Josh Gorges and Jay Bouwmeester would be on teams not among the five leaders in penalty kill time
  • that while having the lowest ice time since the 2005-06 Chris Kelly would be on pace for career numbers
  • through 28 games on the leagues blackhat Boston Bruins Daniel Paille would have zero penalties and through 35 games Andrew Brunette of the Chicago BlackHawks would have zero PIM’s as well

This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.


  • that Niklas Lidstrom (10) would have more penalty minutes than Matt Cooke (8)
  • Jason Garrison would lead NHL defensemen in goals, have a +10 for the Florida Panthers, and not be in the top 25 in points for defensemen
  • No one who has won an Art Ross or Rocket Richard would be in the top three for either goals or points
  • Bobby Ryan would be the most interesting name in the trade rumor mill
  • Tim Thomas would go 9-0-0 in November
  • a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs would be a NHL star of the month in November, and it wouldn’t be Phil Kessel but Joffery Lupul
  • two of the most visible sufferers of head injuries in the NHL, Max Pacioretty and Sidney Crosby would be embroiled in controversy over having delivered them


  • the 30th place Columbus Blue Jackets (5-3-2) would have a better record over their last ten than the Eastern Conference leading Pittsburgh Penguins (5-4-1)
  • the Northwest division, would be led by the team with the second least goals division, the Minnesota Wild
  • the 27th best offense would belong to the team leading the Western Conference in points, also the Minnesota Wild
  • the team with the best goals against in the league would be less than a month into a coaching change, the St Louis Blues
  • the Pacific leading Dallas Stars would be the only team to lead their division with a negative goals differential
  • the New Jersey Devils could have the best penalty kill in the NHL, but allow the most short handed goals against
  • not one of the six division leaders (Pittsburgh, Boston, Florida, Detroit, Minnesota, Dallas) would possess a top six powerplay
  • the Carolina Hurricanes with the 29th best defense, and 26th best penalty would lead the NHL in short handed goals
  • three coaching changes in one week in the NHL would lead to two new to the NHL head coaches, and one guy switching coasts.

This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.


  • that Blake Wheeler would get his first goal on November 17th, and still have as many points as Eric Staal
  • Teemu Selanne would still lead his team in points, and have his lead over the big three start at five points and grow from there
  • forty-four NHL defensemen would enter play on November 19th with as many points or more than former two time 40+ goal man Eric Staal
  • There would be a rash of goalie injuries for the New York Islanders that left Rick Dipietro as the last man standing
  • Fabian Brunnstrom would have played more NHL games on the season than Marc Staal or Sidney Crosby
  • Kris Versteeg would lead Stamkos, Toews, and Spezza in the scoring race and be outside the top 10
  • Michael Del Zotto would be third in TOI/G, 2nd in +/-, and 2nd in PPTOI/G for the New York Rangers after spending much of last season a healthy scratch or in the AHL
  • that serious Vezina Trophy discussions would have to include Elliot, Khabibulin, and Enroth


  • the Ottawa Senators could have negative seven goals differential, not have any of their top five scorers be a plus player, a goals against average of 3.37 (27th) and still be in a playoff position
  • only two teams the Calgary Flames and Detroit Red Wings would have not appeared in a shootout as of 11/19 and neither would be in playoff position
  • the Chicago Blackhawks would lead the NHL in points, and be 18th in goals against
  • the NHL’s worst penalty kill would belong to the San Jose Sharks
  • the Washington Capitals, Columbus Blue Jackets and Carolina Hurricanes would all have losing records when scoring first.
  • the NHL’s black-hats the Boston Bruins would not be among the five most penalized teams

…would you have believe a word of it?

This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.

If i told you in September:

  • James Neal would be the Penguins leading scorer
  • Teemu Selanne would be leading the Anaheim Ducks is goals, assists, points and penalty minutes
  • The Edmonton Oilers would not just lead the Northwest Division, but have the stingiest defense in the NHL
  • rookie Senators defenseman Jared Cowen would lead the NHL in hits while averaging just 16:26 in TOI/G
  • The only team in the western conference to allow more goals than the Vancouver Canucks would be the Columbus Blue Jackets
  • that Dan Ellis, Brian Elliot, Al Montoya, and Devan Dubnyk would be well above Ryan Miller in save percentage
  • that Matt Cooke would have more goals through the Penguins first 15 games than suspensions and more points than penalty minutes
  • on 11/6 Tuukka Rask would have less appearances, less wins, and a worse goals against average than Rick Dipietro
  • of the four conference finalists the only one in a playoff spot on the first weekend of November would be the San Jose Sharks
  • the marquee-less Dallas Stars would be the first team to ten wins, own the conference lead, and that star studded New York Rangers would have less goals, a worse differential and
  • Vladamir Sobotka would enter play on Sunday with more assists than Ryan Kesler

would you have believed any of it?

This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.

A special post season edition of my favorite feature, If I told you in September:

  • Shane Hnidy and Andrew Alberts would both be on teams playing in the Stanley Cup Finals
  • Joe Thornton would be recognized as a having a great post season
  • going into the Stanley Cup Finals Tim Thomas would have the most post season three stars points
  • Brad Marchand would have the best season of all the Bruins prospects and rookies
  • the Nashville Predators would live to see the second round for the first time in team history
  • the San Jose Sharks would go further in the playoffs than the Detroit Red Wings
  • going into the Stanley Cup Finals that of the three series sweeps, the President Trophy winners would be involved in none of them.
  • David Krejci would notch more goals through three rounds than Daniel Sedin
  • of the two teams in the Stanley Cup Finals one would have three players in the top five for +/-, including one and two, and the other would have only one.
  • Joel Ward would emerge as a post season powerhouse for the Nashville Predators
  • The Washington Capitals, Detroit Red Wings, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins, New Jersey Devils, and Chicago BlackHawks would all fail to get to the Conference Finals
  • the Boston Bruins under Claude Juline would be in the Stanley Cup Finals
  • the Boston Bruins would be in the Stanley Cup finals and have scored more goals than their opponent in the second season
  • one of the two finalists would enter the series with their top five a combined -4 and the other a +36
  • the most hate mail I would get all day would be for insulting Clay Aikens butchering of the National Anthem

If I told you all these, or even any of these things in September would you have had me locked up?

This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.


If I told you in September…

  • that Milan Lucic and Matt Moulson would both have more goals on March 5th than Phil Kessel
  • that after a 15 month break Alexander Ovechkin would return to Twitter to post the picture of Phil Kessel sitting alone as the last player to be picked at the All-Star draft?
  • that only two players in the top 100 goal scorers, Radim Vrbata and David Booth , would have a lower shooting percentage than Alex Ovechkin
  • That of center Stamkos and winger Ovechkin, the latter would have more assists
  • Dany Heatley would be just one point ahead of Patrice Bergeron
  • the Washington Capitals would fall out of last years top spot for goal scoring all the way to the 2o’s, and go from 16th in goals against up to 7th
  • the NHL’s best penalty kill would belong to the Pittsburgh Penguins
  • the #7 offense would belong to a team, Tampa Bay, with only one short handed goal
  • the Colorado Avalanche who have allowed the most goals per game would have the second best Sv% in the shootout in the NHL
  • the Edmonton Oilers would own a better winning percentage when trailing after two periods than; the Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins,  Montreal Canadiens, Carolina Hurricanes, and Calgary Flames all of which are in the top 8 in their conference as of today
  • that with Malkin out since 02/04 and Crosby out since 01/05 that the Penguins would not only still be in the playoffs, but still have home ice advantage for the first round
  • that for the first time since 2003-04 Joe Thornton would be less than a point per game player
  • of Los Angeles Kings defensemen; Rob Scuderi, Jack Johnson, Alec Martinex and Matt Greene that Scuderi would have the most game winning goals.
  • that despite having the third worst +/- in the NHL, the Florida Panthers would still be able to unload Denis Wideman on deadline day
  • former Bruins Phil Kessel and Denis Wideman would be a combined -45
  • Patrick Sharp would lead all players in goals against division opponents

would you have believed a single word?


This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.
If I told you in September…

  • in All Star week, that Evgani Malkin would not only be not in the top ten league scorers, or on the All Star team, but behind Patrice Bergeron, rookie sensation Jeff Skinner, Dustin Byfugelien, Brandon Dubinski and Mikko Koivu… while sitting at #50
  • the Boston Bruins would have a rookie with a shot at catching Taylor Hall who’s name was not Maxime Suave, Joe Colborne, Jordan Caron, Jared Knight, Tyler Seguin, or Ryan Spooner, but Brad Marchand…
  • that the same rookie would lead the entire NHL in shorthanded goals ahead of players like Mike Richards, Pavel Datsyuk, and and other well known penalty kill game breakers.
  • the Boston Bruins would be #5 in goals for, with little help from Marc Savard.
  • the New York Islanders, Toronto Maple Leafs, Carolina Hurricanes and Buffalo Sabres would all have better powerplay percentages on 1/24 than the Washington Capitals.
  • that Michael Ryder (7) and Mark Recchi (6) would combine for as many powerplay goals as Alexander Semin (6), Mike Green (5), and Alexander Ovechkin (2) at the end of January.
  • Kari Lehtonen and UFA to be Brad Richards would be leading their team to the second largest division lead in the NHL (5 points)…
  • the LA Kings would be staring down the barrel of the trade deadline with the third stingiest defense in the Western Conference, a goal differential of +13, and still sit four points out of the playoffs and nineteen points out of the division lead to a team with a goal differential of -7
  • that Ilya Kovalchuk would have the most goals on the New Jersey Devils, and the worst plus minus with 14 and -27.
  • that Peter Budja, Johan Hedberg, and Maple Leafs rookie James Riemer would have more wins than Tukka Rask
  • the Dallas Stars division lead, and +14 goal differential would be in spite of having the lowest ranked penalty kill of any playoff team.

If I told you all these things in September, how many would you believe?

This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League.
If I told you in September that:

  • on January 05, the list of teams ahead of the New Jersey Devils would include every other team in the NHL…
  • the number of players ahead of Alex Ovechkin in goal scoring would be 35 deep…
  • the rookie goal scoring race would not be led by either Taylor Hall or Tyler Seguin…
  • Dustin Byfugelin would lead all NHL defensemen in goals, game winning goals, and points while maintaining a positive +/-…
  • three different teams would be battling for the SouthEast division lead and be in the top six in the east…
  • Martin Broduer would have the third best Sv% on his team…
  • Mike Smith, Andrew Raycroft, and Dan Ellis would be among the many goalies with a better Sv% than Martin Broduer…
  • the Pittsburgh Penguins would be second best in goals allowed.
  • the Boston Bruins would have a better powerplay % than the Pittsburgh Penguins…
  • on January 1sth the Penguins – Capitals game would feature hard checks, and solid defense while on the same day that Boston Bruin – Buffalo Sabres game would be a run and gun shootout…
  • on January 5th, Rick DiPietro would have played 50% more games than Zach Parise….
  • the apathy of the fans for the All Star game would finally eclipse that of the apathy of the players…

So, if I told you all those things in September, would you have been fitting me for a white jacket with the extra long sleeves?

This is a feature that will run about every two weeks with improbable stats and situations in the National Hockey League


  • If I told you in September that if the season ended at the quarter poll, that the Atlanta Thrashers, Tampa Bay Lightning, Columbus Blue Jackets, and Dallas Stars would all be in the playoffs….
  • If I told you in September that the bottom five New York Islanders would have an extended losing streak, fire their head coach with wide internal criticism, and then get worse…
  • If I told you in September that the Bruins would be without their top center, and one of their top goal scorers of the past three years and still be in 11th in goals for…
  • If I told you in September that the New Jersey Devils, would have less points than the Edmonton Oilers…
  • If I told you in September the New Jersey Devils, Calgary Flames, Buffalo Sabres, and Colorado Avalanche would all be on the outside looking into the playoff race…

…would you have asked me where you could get some of the fun drugs too?


  • If I told you in September that Ilya Kovalchuk would have less goals than Milan Lucic at any point this season…
  • If I told you in September Patrick Sharp would lead not just his team, but the entire Western Conference in goals, and be fourth in goals…
  • If I told you in September Steve Montador , and Rostislav Kleska (career -43) would be second and first in +/- for the league…
  • If I told you in September that between them Martin Brodeur, Ryan Miller, Ilya Bryzgalov, Henrik Lundquist, Roberto Loungo, Jaroslav Halak, and Thomas Vokoun would not own a single top five goalie stat between them…
  • If I told you in September Jeff Skinner, this years seventh overall draft pick would lead all rookies in scoring…
  • If I told you in September that Peter Schaefer would play more games in the NHL this year than Bill Guerin, Miroslav Satan, and Evgani Nabokov…

…would you ask me how many times I was dropped on my head as a child?