Welcome ladies, gentlemen, and hockey fans across the world! By special request, a new drinking game for the trade deadline.
To properly prepare for this you should have three beverages to work with, a stomach pump reserved, and enough paid time off for Monday and Tuesday at least. I recommend a light, dark, and medium colored liquid.
Every third time you drink, you should switch drinks. Puck Sage, the NHL, various news outlets, and your alcohol beverage vendors take no responsibility for your actions.
Take Three Drinks:
Every-time someone is rumored to go back to where they played college or junior.
Someone is traded to a former team
A general manager is heard to say this is a good trade for both sides.
Someone mentions the salary cap.
A coach or GM says they look forward to having someone join the team.
There are more players you don’t recognize in a trade than ones you do.
Potential playoff matchups are mentioned.
Off season coaching and or management moves are hinted at for a team involved in a trade.
How much time is left until the deadline is mentioned.
Take Two Drinks:
Whenever the phrase “add depth” is used.
Someone talks about how a player found out they were traded.
The number of trades made at this years deadline is mentioned.
Line/paring combinations are mentioned before a newly acquired player leaves their former home city.
The draft position of a player involved in a trade is mentioned
Someone mentions a coach having to make roster decisions.
A player previously traded at the deadline gets traded.
The highlight reel for a player being interviewed shows a player in a uniform other than the team they were just traded from.
Someone is called more than just a rental.
Someone compares the current volume of trades to last years number.
Take One Drink:
Anytime a player is reunited with a former teammate or coach.
A player uses the word exciting.
A general manager mentions how long they’d discussed a deal before it happens.
The number of draft picks exceeds the number of players.
Someone says a team is stockpiling
A graphic is used to explain anything.
A media person calls a trade big.
Someone says “hockey IQ” or “hockey sense”.
Any NHL award is mentioned.
A placeholder picture for a player calling into a deadline show has the player already in the uniform of their new team.
Yandle, Eriksson, Boedker, Drouin, Staal, Russell, Bickell, Yakapov or other players expected to move are mentioned.
Salary retention is speculated about or explained.
Experts will remember to print this out and get it laminated so that any unfortunate fluids won’t mar your ability to rally and continue.
Reports indicate the NHL is pretty close to expansion Sin City, among other places. There are questions all over the place about expansion, but here are the important ones.
10: Will the Ice Girls be prohibited from dating the players, even for an hour at a time?
9: How many members of The Real World Las Vegas cast will be selling concessions?
8: Will the slot machines built into the seats be hockey themed?
7: Will club seat be retitled”Gentlemen’s Club Seats” ?
6: Will players have the option of being paid in poker chips?
5: How many years will it take before this team is better than the Las Vegas Wranglers or Las Vegas Storm?
4: Will they be using the foam from the mouths of fans in Quebec City and Saskatchewan who will inevitably be upset that the sun belt is getting another team, and getting another team ahead of them to create the ice surface?
3: Will an NHL team in Lost Wages finally, finally, bring decent prop betting to hockey?
2: How many times will you be able to add the attendance in Vegas to that in Florida and not fill either barn?
1: Will presumed Las Vegas owners William Foley and the Maloof family manage to slide into a top five most hated owners in their first three seasons?
It’s that time again gentle readers. We are at the beginning of a new epoch in the careers a couple hundred hopeful young men. Two hundred and ten of them will be drafted in Philadelphia. Many will be present, some will go high and hard, some will fall, and others will splash into the pool of ignominy, much like enthusiastic participants of this here drinking game.
To play along you will need three different beverages, and of course the ability to see and hear the draft.
Take one sip:
a current NHL player is shown on the screen.
a coach is mentioned as being new in his current position.
a prospect is said to have leadership qualities.
the combine is mentioned.
an NHL or team executive is shown and their playing career is mentioned
a picture of Philadelphia that has nothing to do with hockey is shown.
A team makes a dramatic pause in the middle of their selection.
Take two sips:
A prospect is selected and they stop to hug, high five or shake hands with more than five people.
A trade of players you’ve never heard of occurs.
A team trades for a first or second round pick in next years draft.
pictures or video is shown of a former NHL player
Free agency coverage is mentioned.
each time a place or team is referred to as a “X factory” (goalie, defense-man, NHL draftee…)
a prospect is called “coachable”
two or more NHL players are mentioned as having played on the same Junior or College team.
Take one sip :
A team representative mentions addressing a need.
how long a draftee is away from being an NHL player is discussed.
A franchise is mentioned as being in a rebuilding mode.
More than four representatives of a team go up on stage to announce a pick.
A “top 10” prospect is shown before his name is called.
a prospect is asked who they model their game on.
Take two sips:
the Flyers fans in attendance fail to loudly boo a rival teams representatives.
Flyers GM Hextall appears on stage or screen and doesn’t get a standing ovation from local fans.
someone speculates on “the Russian factor” of where a prospect has or will be taken.
A general manager pronounces themselves happy or satisfied with the draft.
Craig Button or Bob McKenzie express surprise at where a player was drafted.
Whenever someone is asked about changes to their position or the team.
Take two sips
a player is drafted that is related to one or more current or past NHL players.
a player is drafted and is related to one or more NON-hockey professional athletes.
a baffling trade of NHL players is announced.
a team trades out of the first round.
anytime two players in a row are taken from any league other than the OHL.
a prospect is shown in their jersey and it looks like a little kid wearing his dad’s jersey.
Triple Deke, when ever an item on the list happens, take one sip of each beverage.
A player is drafted five or more spots above where they were projected to go.
A general manager says “we really liked (player’s name) and…”
a coaching vacancy is mentioned.
a player falls more than 12 spots below where they were projected to go.
the number of times a team has drafted in a particular range in the last decade is mentioned.
two or more OHL players are drafted in a row.
anytime a player who makes more than four million a year is traded.
video of Ron Hextall playing is shown (one bonus sip if footage includes a fight.)
Please remember neither PuckSage, the NHL, your internet service provider, you fourth grade teacher, first crush, last crush, the monsters under your bed, and the voices in your head and or anyone else you might want to blame for any stupid things that happen after you take the dubious step of taking part in the drinking game. Please keep PuckSage updated with those stupid things if you somehow retain the ability. Comments here or tweets to @PuckSage will be very entertaining, but do not signify anyone or anything condones your deleterious actions, and just as a friendly reminder there is no delete option for anything that makes it onto the internet.
Joe Sakic is on the record as having said the Avalanche will not take defenseman Seth Jones, who grew up an Avalanche fan with the number one pick. Instead a team with multiple top five picks at forward will take another forward at the first pick.
10.3: The Avalanche have decided to use the Edmonton Oilers as their model for rebuilding a franchise.
9.3: As Sakic can tell you from personal experience the game is played today exactly the way it was in 1995 and having top flight mobile, two way defenseman has never won anyone a championship.
8.3: A secret cabal of owners led by the shadowy and diabolical Jeremy Jacobs have intimidated the Kroenke brothers into keeping the Avalanche a bubble team forever.
It’s time for the last drinking game of the season (unless I do one for the draft) time to empty out the closet, and make sure you remember the results of the drinking game and possibly the series until fall when hockey starts up again.
Take One Drink:
You wish your local announce team were doing the game.
More than two players go crashing into the net.
Someone finishes a game with more than five shots and no goals.
Gary Bettman is shown and booed.
In game interview questions are answered with a cliche.
The hometown of a player is mentioned.
When asked about scoring a goal or making a save a player references a teammate.
The Junior or College team of a player is mentioned.
An exterior shot of the arena is shown and it includes people who are clearly chemically altered.
At each mention of “Original Six” in game one or two.
Someone mentions the department of player safety.
Whenever Pierre or another talking head says something that makes people just a bit uncomfortable. s/t @ChrisWasselTHW #HockeyPorn
If a fight breaks out with more than 4 million dollars in salary involved.
Take Two Drinks
The Bochenski-Versteeg trade is brought up.
Every time someone is mentioned as a Conn-Smythe candidate. s/t @HockeyMand
A team scores two unanswered goals.
At any mention of someone named Espisito or Orr.
A save is called “brilliant”, “spectacular” or “larceny” when in fact it was pretty routine.
Special teams stats are mentioned.
Highlights from the teams past Cup wins are shown not counting the last one.
A former player for either team is shown.
The other teams goal song sucks.
Someone scoring drought is mentioned.
An exterior shot of an arena is shown and no one (except maybe the commentators) is
You’re so mad at your team you want them to win only so you don’t have to read their Puck Daddy Eulogy.
A ny time a side by side comparison of Tuukka and Corey Crawford is shown. s/t @RJGreenWood
An announce uses the words “good clean hit” to describe something that turned most of one fan base into frothing mouth breathers that sound like Foamy (NSFW) :
The officials call one side of an altercation that should be a both or neither situation.
Someone “speculates” about the NHL awards for this season.
A player is asked about their previous playoff experience.
Two players on the same team skate into each other.
Anytime the word “momentum” is used.
At any puck over the glass delay of game.
The past awards of a player are mentioned.
Someone discusses rule changes.
The captains not having touched the conference title trophies is shown.
Any top six forward finishes a game with zero shots.
At any too many men penalty.
Take Four Drinks
If there is a post whistle scrum that does not involve Marchand or Shaw.
If NHL.com fails to make a punny headline for their update in game.
Gary Bettman is shown and not booed.
Someone says the referees have “swallowed the whistles” or otherwise won’t be calling much.
A coach or player says “we just need to be better in our own end” after a bad period or game.
At each mention of Original Six in game three or later.
A faceoff is missed for yet more advertising.
You can hold your breath between the bad call and the makeup call.
The fourth lines are mentioned.
If the career records of either coach are mentioned.
Whenever a clip of a game winning or cup clinching goal is shown.
The handshake line in mentioned and it is not a close out game.
Either team goes more than four minutes without a shot on goal.
Either team is called for three or unmatched penalties in a row.
Each time an owner is shown or mentioned before the Cup is awarded.
A player gets a short handed shot on goal.
Someone specifically highlights one of the matchups in the Keystone Players article.
Either team scores two powerplay goals in the same game.
A player argues with a call that was clearly a penalty.
For maximum fun, enjoy a different beverage each period. Calling in sick for work for the next day is advisable in some cases. It might not hurt to have a handy bucket and or a pre arranged ride to the hospital. Maybe you can even pin a “please take me to the hospital, and put on the hockey game” note on your shirt ahead of time.
No one is responsible for the stupid act you commit in any chemical state. Nor is anyone but you responsible for the permanent damage you’re likely to do to your body if you follow this game faithfully. This game might just be a spectacular way to end up on Tosh.O, Intervention or at least Texts From Last Night. If you really must blame someone, blame your parents they should have known better anyways. PuckSage, the NHL, NHLPA, The Bruins and Blackhawks take no responsibility for your actions, have a nice day.
For this drinking game you’ll need two beverages. You mght want to pick drinks mathing your favorite team colors or just the two nearest things you can handle in volume.
Take One Sip:
Every time scoring chances are mentioned.
An opponent of from the previous round is mentioned.
Jarome Iginla and Matt Bartkowski are mentioned in the same sentence.
The cameras pan the crowd or the guy between the benches instead of a scrum.
You know what a coach/player is going to say in an interview before they say it.
Either team gets a five on three powerplay.
Don Cherry makes more sense than anyone else the camera has been aimed at in the last ten minutes.
If the trade deadline is mentioned.
If Jagr’s time in Pittsburg is mentioned.
If any mention is made of the number of Stanley Cup wins a players has.
If the Nathan Horton vs Jarome Iginla fight is shown.
A goaltending change is made.
A pending UFA is mentioned.
A full period passes where you don’t hear the name of the junior and or college team any player was drafted from.
Anyone says a team is or isn’t getting bounces.
The broadcast fails to show a faceoff but cuts in when the puck is already in motion.
Two commericals for the smae company play in one commercial break.
A period ends with more than a 10 shot difference between the teams.
Take One Sip:
If Chara’s size is mentioned.
If any of Crosby’s past injuries are mentioned.
If a backup goaltender is shown.
If either Coach is shown standing on the bench.
Someone on sicial media says the offials are biased.
Someone dangles so much they lose the puck with no one with no help from opposing players.
James Neal or Tyler Seguin miss high and hit the glass with a shot.
The broadcaster between the benches asks the guy(s) in the booth if they saw something going on in the game.
Someone mentiones “line shuffling”.
Any rookie is pointed out (Simone Despres and Beau Bennett for the Penguins, Torey Krug, Dougie Hamilton, Matt Bartkowski for the Bruins).
A general manager or owner is shown.
A fairly routine hockey play (faceoff win, goal, or saucer pass, etc) is described as “wizardy” or magic.
The Bruins powerplay scores in a game.
The Penguins get a shorthanded goal.
A too many men penalty is called.
A penalty is called that makes no sense.
Matt Cooke’s hit on Marc Savard is mentioned.
Double Fist (1 sip of each)
If the playoff win total of a coach is mentioned.
Trades between the teams are mentioned.
The age of a player or players are mentioned in relation to how long its been since the teams last played in the playoffs.
The regular season series is mentioned.
Any player is mentiond for a past award or current nomination.
An obvious rule is explained for no reason.
Some says the refs have swallowed their whistle.
The compressed schedule in the regular season is mentioned.
Everytime there’s an obvious dive that goes uncalled.
If there is a fight where the combined salary is more than four million dollars.
Players or officials are said to be sending a message.
Skip a drink if:
You find yourself unable to scream coherently at a pinkhat.
You start explaining a simple rule like “icing” and take longer than two minutes.
You can’t remember which beverage to drink from.
Both fourth lines are on the ice.
A family member, girlfriend or spouse of a player is shown in the audience.
You can seriously injury yourself, destroy property, or even die even if your participation in this drinking game is nothing more than water. If you should happen to do something incredibly idiotic and entertaining during this drinking game that makes it to Youtube, TextsFromLastNight or other fun sites; do send a link. It won’t make your life better, but I’ll get a laugh too. No one is responsible for the stupid you commit but you.